Four Suggestions for Better Fathering

Four-Suggestions-for-Better-Fathering.pdf

At this time of year when we think about fatherhood, I have been reflecting about what it means to be a father and how to be a better one. I gathered the following points from godly men whom I have sought to emulate along the path of my fatherhood years—I only wish that I had known and employed them all earlier on.

1. Write a vision for being a godly father and husband.

What is your goal as a father? What is God calling you to do as the leader of the family he has entrusted to you? As basic as these questions sound, I realized that I did not have a clear Bible-based answer to them until recently.

I was encouraged by several strong Christian men who had taken the time to search the Scriptures to identify specifically what God called them to do as fathers and who then developed a vision/mission for their own families based upon that Scripture.

It took me several months to do this, but it has been an extremely helpful, Bible-based “road map.” It includes such topics as loving your family, leading, providing, protecting, raising children for God’s glory, making eternal investments, discovering what a godly vocation looks like, serving, and constantly sharpening myself for God’s glory (and my family’s joy).

Having this vision has helped me make decisions based upon Scripture vs. my wisdom (not worth much in comparison). I am even thinking of having my sons develop their own Bible-based vision of what it means to be a godly father and husband to present to their wives on their wedding day.

Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.—Proverbs 29:18

2. Be rooted in the word of God.

Again, nothing profound, but if fathers are not deep in the word of God on a daily basis, their parenting will be drawing on the winds of futility. Often as men we get busy with work and many other things, which means that time in the Word gets compromised. If we are to be planters of oaks of righteousness, we ourselves must be drawing from the Living Water on a daily basis.

I have seen too many examples of men who provide their children with a worldly cornucopia, but not an ounce of anything eternal. By being in the Word on a daily basis—preferably the first thing every day—we’re putting our relationship with the Lord first. This not only helps us in our fathering, it helps to establish a lifetime pattern for our children.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.—Proverbs 22:6

3. Love your wife as Christ loved the Church.

I know this is supposed to be about fathering—but I truly believe that by loving our wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, we are putting before our children—both sons and daughters—a powerful example of God’s plan for the hierarchy of relationships: (1) Christ first (2) husband/wife second and (3) children third.

This does not mean that children are not important—they are a gift from the Lord. However, in our day of child-centered parenting, the importance of building the relationship between husbands and wives can be brushed aside in order to make sure that our children our entertained, happy, fully developed, and full of self-esteem.

I believe I am a better father because of the way I love my wife and put our marriage above entertaining my children. I also believe that I will create for my children an example (albeit an imperfect one) of what a biblical marriage looks like.

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.—Ephesians 5:25

4. Enjoy your children.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD.—Psalm 127:3

Children are truly one of the most precious gifts that God can give us and are gifts that should be treasured and enjoyed. Every day is a gift to be with them, every conversation ought to be cherished, every moment used for teaching. Far too often, we as fathers can focus on the “provision” part of fathering—either the worldly pressure to provide for them or the thought that if I provide more, I’ll be a better father/they’ll like me more.

What our children need more of is Jesus—and that comes by being with them, showing our love of Christ to them, listening to them, disciplining them in the ways of the Lord—and laughing with them. Spend time with them, know their interests, capture their hearts.

You want them to share with you their hearts at 12 years old so they will share with you their hearts when they are 22, 32, and 52 years old. They won’t do that if you haven’t enjoyed them along the way.

Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds.—Proverbs 27:23

John Donaldson, father of 9; Grade 7 Sunday School Teacher, South Site